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Insecurity

just when you about to fully free
from those years of insecurity
then one tears you out
like you are nothing
just a stone


It hurts
I guess it just accidentally
to take the pain personally
between those fake smiles and laughs
feeling is not to be laughed
not to be treated like nothing

one can just say
sorry I dont like you back
and thats all
for that insecurity kills
just give one some time
wait until time and spaces
or
memory
lost
or 
disappear

Scary Place

It is a scary place
no fun anymore
Your nakedness is seen
just a play
just a drama

Whose world the happiest?
Try
When will you are the happiest?
In enjoying small things
ate lots of mangoes until your stomach hurts
humming the same song over and over
laugh until no more sadness appears
Cover it well
for the universe hugs and kiss you
thru wind and sunrise everyday
cover it well
for the world being so cruel
for a country could not save some lifes
for parents kill their baby, or God damn it,
for people ignore each other
for bullying takes one life over
for fakeness is a hype
for being you is a cursed
for your deep down vulnerability

Its countless completely
so try a least
on those small things

Suara Sumbang

Siswa SMP yang bunuh diri itu menyimpan luka yang terlalu dalam. Luka yang tiap hari dikorek dengan suara-suara sumbang  Malang nasibmu, sial ayahmu, ada pada bayang-bayang yang tidak henti di kepala Anak malang Anak malang  Ah, sedihnya menyoal kepergianmu  dengan isi surat yang terlalu cepat dewasa Masa remaja dikerubungi dendam pada ayah Ah, harusnya kau sedang sedikit nakal, bermain musik atau bola  tanpa harus menanggung beban terlalu berat Penyesalan mengiringi jalan pulangmu Terlalu lambat memang Ah, semoga lu aman di alam sana Biar Tuhan Deo yang bae, dekap lu, kas sembuh lu, kas hilang itu luka, ade. Selamat jalan

*Tentang bocah SMP yang bunuh diri di Kupang

Merindu Bapak

Bapak sedang pergi menjenguk adik di Kupang. Tampungan rindu sudah menggunung. Belaian tangannya di rambut sambil bertanya ini itu, juga kadang ciuman lembut di dahi dan rambut. Sesayang itu.

Menanyakan sudah makan, lalu menawarkan bantuan jika kelihatan terlalu sibuk. Ah, rindu! Meski kadang suka malas jika bapak terlalu ingin tahu, bertanya ini itu. Mengkhawatirkan ini itu. Lalu juga kesal karena bapak bersuara besar. Bikin kangen meski mengesalkan.

Bapak suka melucu, suka membaca juga suka berefleksi.  Ah, Bapak,anak perempuan ini rindu.

 Kini lagi tersenyum mengenang senyummu yang hangat.

Waktu

Jika waktu itu tiba
Jadilah yang paling bahagia
Merah merona bersama senja
Meski temaram dia abadi
Pada tiap detik kemudian jadi malam

Jika waktu itu tiba
Pisah dalam keabadian
Menuju sepi yang terlalu kelam
Pada kandungan ibu bumi

Sudah cukup main-mainnya
Malu hati beranak pinak
Menanti cerita pada ujung tali
Jika waktu itu tiba
Hanya nama yang abadi
 juga kenangan

In God we trust

For few weeks being trapped
in such unconsciousness
in such intersections
in such feeling

How did vulnerability be this beautiful
in a way its painfully obvious too
Its both,....... bitch!
for you know what you want
for you always honest and direct
for you know nothing about being in secret
and thats make you a bitch!

Let God feed and protect your weak heart
With amount of love like ocean
By countless amount of the sand
With beautiful colours of sunset
By colorful patterns of leaves and flowers

For God beautifully carves you
In His way, make your mark unique
In your bad and good days
In your beautiful and sad days
In your best and ugly
In your laughing and crying

Its in God's way, God'plan
Let me rest for the unfairness
Let me rest for the sadness
Let me ready for going through life
Let me be the happiest!